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| Photo by James Vaughan CC BY 2.0 |
Of course, this worry about whether or not we're weird makes perfect sense; none of us knows what anyone else is experiencing and there’s absolutely no way for us to know if those secret thoughts we harbor (but never share) are harmless passing fancies or the first indication of psychopathic darkness. That’s some scary stuff to consider…and for most people there’s no good way to find out. True, we could ask friends or other acquaintances, but what if by asking we’re actually letting people know just how scared of us they should be? Remember the following exchange from the movie, Wayne’s World?
Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?
Wayne: (Cracks up laughing) No!
Garth: (Obviously embarrassed) Uh, neither did I. I was just asking.
We’re all just like Garth and we’re clueless as to what’s normal and what’s freaky. The only difference is that we usually err on the side of not asking the question…just in case.
Let me set your mind at ease. Yes, you are normal – But maybe not the way you had hoped.
“Normal” is what psychologists deal with every day and it’s what led to the development of the career field. Psychologists use psychological testing, which is based on statistics, to determine what most people think, feel, and experience. If something is thought, felt, or experienced by the majority of people, then that thing is considered "normal". If very few people think, feel, or experience something, then that thing is considered "abnormal". There are concrete statistical terms that define explicitly at what point something transitions out of the realm of normal and into the deviant (in fact, a “standard deviation” is the actual statistical term…if you fall three standard deviations outside the norm, you are, by definition, “deviant”). So, science has provided us a beautiful way to know for certain where we fall in relation to our friends and family.
Of course, nothing in the world of psychology is ever that simple...
Throughout my career I've administered countless IQ tests. Most of these tests are designed so that the average (or normal) IQ is 100, with the total score being made up of several sub-scores. Some sub-scores focus on knowledge and learning abilities while others look at how quickly and accurately a person can process information (among other things). So, even if I had two people who both scored a completely "average" score of 100, each one would have different sub-scores that made up that IQ. Perhaps the first scored an above-average 110 on verbal abilities but was a low-average 90 on performance abilities, while the second was the mirror opposite (90 verbal and 110 performance). Each would have an average IQ, but neither would look anything like the other as far as intellectual abilities are concerned. You can see how the word "average" can be frustratingly deceptive in meaning.
In many ways, "average" and "normal" are interchangeable words. Our level of normalness, like our IQ, is made up of countless parts; there are a limitless number of personality traits, thoughts, or interests by which we could be compared to others. Pick any one particular item and you may, or may not, be like the majority of other people. That single thing, in and of itself, is not the determining factor of how normal we are. Rather, the sum of all those countless parts is the only rational way we could possibly determine how normal we are.
With that in mind, the original question ("Is that normal?") takes on a whole new meaning. Is it normal for Garth to find Bugs Bunny attractive? I feel comfortable in assuming it's not. Is it normal that I have always wanted to see what I would look like as a Muppet? Again, it's probably safe to assume I'm in the minority on that one. Does that make Garth and me freaky-deaky weirdos? On those specific points, yes. But what about when we take our entire selves and compare them to everybody else. I've yet to meet a person who doesn't have a number of weird skeletons in the closet...that being the case, if I didn't have my curious fascination with Muppets, and if Garth wasn't fond of cartoon bunnies, we'd clearly be abnormal in our lack of having some weirdness.
In short, you can relax, you're normal...precisely because you're such a weirdo in so many ways.
