Recent years have seen a concerted effort to dispel the stigma that has traditionally surrounded mental health problems. Despite increased understanding of mental health issues among people in general, most people continue to feel unsure about how best to approach the subject when the problem strikes close to home. The following suggestions are designed for anybody concerned about someone in their life who may be suffering from a mental health problem.
1. The majority of mental health issues are temporary and short-lived. At the risk of negatively impacting my business bottom line, I really want to highlight this fact: For most people, in most situations, mental health problems will go away on their own (saying that makes me feel like the magician who just gave away the secret to how the trick is done!). If you have a hard time believing that can be true, do some research on “mental health spontaneous remission rates” and you'll see what I mean.
People are resilient; they can be bent, twisted, stretched, folded, crumpled up, and thrown down…and they still find a way to soldier on. The latest research shows people suffering from major depression (as the name suggests, that’s the serious kind) have a greater than 50% chance their symptoms will go away without treatment of any kind. In many of those cases, however, it will take up to a year for the problem to resolve. The good news is, treatment (medication or therapy) can drastically reduce the time it takes to experience improved mood and functioning.
2. Emotions are not always evidence of a problem. As a military psychologist, I routinely faced the daunting task of explaining to senior commanders why they couldn’t and shouldn’t force their subordinates to participate in therapy. On multiple occasions I was called on to help “fix” people who had witnessed or been involved in some truly ugly stuff; in reality, there was nothing to fix. What do we call it when a person who witnesses something traumatic has problems sleeping, acts more irritable, and is generally more emotional than usual? NORMAL!
As previously stated, people are generally resilient, even when they are confronted with the ugliest aspects of life. Just because a person experiences strong emotions as a result of bad things happening does not mean he is broken or in need of professional help. If you know someone going through a particularly difficult time, just ask yourself if their reactions are any different than you would expect any person to exhibit in the same situation. If the reaction is normal, the person likely does not need therapy or professional assistance. That’s not to say therapy wouldn’t be beneficial in coping with the difficulties, it’s just not an absolute necessity.
3. People are so much more than their current problems. This seems like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many people define themselves (and others) by their temporary mental health symptoms. One of my primary duties as a psychologist is to help people see more than the pain or anxiety that they’re feeling in the moment. Experiencing symptoms of depression does not make you a “depressed person” any more than getting a bad haircut makes you ugly. Hair grows back and mood changes over time. Try to think of a single emotion you’ve felt that hasn’t gone away at some point…any luck? Of course not. How can something as variable as our feelings ever act as a defining characteristic of who we are as people? If you experience a mental health problem, or if you know someone who does, remind yourself that these experiences are pieces of the person and not the whole thing.
4. Mental health problems are not created equal. A “car crash” could be anything from a little fender bender in a parking lot to a 52-car pileup on the interstate. The same goes for “mental health problems”. For most people, getting diagnosed with depression is like getting in that fender bender; you might be sore for a while and you might have a lot of hassles dealing with the consequences, but you’re going to be just fine. Fifty-two car pileups (the kind that cause hospitalizations and fatalities) just don’t happen all that often. In clinical work, we always start with the assumption that the person is going to recover quickly and fully (it’s just a little fender bender!)…until and unless there’s some evidence to suggest otherwise. Chances are (and I’m not talking slight chances) the person you know who has some emotional problems is going to be perfectly fine, given some time and support.
NOTE: Please don’t ever ignore or take lightly any evidence of safety concerns (e.g. talking about death or dying, giving away belongings, self-harming behaviors, etc.). Issues such as these are always treated as serious...because they are.
5. It’s okay to laugh. I take a very light-hearted approach to issues of mental health (not to be confused with taking mental health lightly) and I’ve noticed this is disconcerting to some people. However, it’s really only been surprising to those people who haven’t experienced any mental health concerns of their own. I’ve yet to meet a significantly depressed person who doesn’t appreciate someone making them laugh. True, it’s often much harder to elicit laughter…but that’s why I work so hard at it. Lighten up, people! Mental health work is not mortuary work, and it’s okay to talk about it with some mirth. Naturally, every person is unique and the way one interacts with an individual should be tailored to that individual, but, generally speaking, laughter is powerful medicine and acts as a reminder that life is to be enjoyed…even during the tough times.
