Poor motivation. I
doubt there's any human characteristic more unfairly blamed for everything
that's wrong with us. Any of the
following sound familiar
"I
want to exercise more, but I just
can't find the motivation."
"I
know I should get more of my to-do
list done, but I'm just not motivated today."
"If
I could just get more motivated, I could earn so much more money!"
"He'd
be a great student, if he would just get motivated and apply himself!"
"I
haven't showered in a couple days...maybe I'll feel more motivated
tomorrow."
Is there anything wrong with us that we can't blame on
motivation? (baldness is the only thing
I've been able to come up with)
Motivation or, more precisely, lack
of motivation seems to be the go-to excuse for why we don't get stuff done the
way it needs to be done. And it makes
sense; motivation is a useful patsy to blame.
"It's not my fault! I would
gladly stop being lazy if only I weren't horribly stricken with a congenital
motivation deficiency for which the medical community has not yet developed a
cure!"
I don't recall ever having someone sit down on my couch and
say "I know I should spend more time with my kids...but I'm really just
not willing to give up my T.V. time to do that." Rather, people say things like, "I just
can't seem to get motivated to do the things I should be doing, like spending
time with my kids."
I feel bad for motivation.
The reality is, each and every human being is fully motivated
at every moment of every day; there is no situation in which you lack
motivation. You're always doing something...even if that something is
just sitting and staring at the wall. If
you're always doing something, then, by default, you must always be
motivated. The question then becomes why
are we motivated by some things and not by others? There's no quick and easy answer that
explains the phenomenon of human motivation fully...but I'm not going to let
that stop me from giving one anyway.
Research has shown three factors comprise your motivation to
do everything. EVERYTHING. If you have these three things, you will feel
motivated. If you lack any one of them,
you will not feel motivated. In my work
with individuals and groups I've found one of these three things missing every
time there is a problem with motivation.
First, in order
to feel motivated you must believe (really
believe) the thing you're trying to do will be good for you. If you don't believe exercise will be good
for you (e.g. "I'll just hurt afterward and won't feel any better."),
you'll never find the motivation to get up and hit the gym. On the flip side, if you deep down know that
exercise will eventually make you feel better (even if you feel worse for the
first little while), there's a good chance you'll make the decision to start. If only that were enough!
Second, in
addition to knowing that something is good for you, you must believe (really believe!) you can actually
accomplish the thing that needs to be done and achieve the good you're working
toward. No matter how much I believe a
million dollars would be good for me (requirement #1), if I don't believe I
have an acceptable chance of winning (which I don't because I know enough about
statistics and probability) I will never feel motivated to buy a lottery
ticket. I see this in couples therapy
quite often. No matter how much one
believes having a good marriage would be good for them (requirement #1), if they
don't believe their spouse will respond to their efforts, They will never
be motivated to make the effort to improve the marriage. If, on the other hand, you find yourself
believing something is good for you AND also believing the thing you are
considering is actually doable, you are well on your way to feeling a drive to
accomplish that thing. But we're not
there yet! There's one final step.
Third, You must
believe (really believe!) that the cost is worth the outcome. Let's say I still believe having a million
dollars would be good for me AND I also happen to know a guy who can rig the
lottery so I'm guaranteed to win that million dollars. All I have to do is buy the $1 ticket...and
give custody of my first-born son to my contact. Even if I believe the money is good
(requirement #1) and I believe I can achieve the thing I want (requirement #2),
I will never be motivated to work toward that goal if I believe the cost is not
worth the effort. Giving away my son is
not worth the million dollars...on most days.
I like to use the example of running a marathon. Having been in the military (well, the Air
Force anyway), I'm used to running, and I actually really enjoy it. I'd like to run a marathon, I really believe
it would be good for me, I believe I can do it (I've completed a half marathon
before), but I'm not at all motivated to start training anytime soon. You see, I've done enough training to know how
much effort would be required in order to get in shape to run 26.2 miles...and
it's more than I'm willing to commit to.
No matter how much I say I want to run a marathon, how much I believe it
would be a good goal, and how much I know I could do it, I will never
feel motivated to do it until I believe the outcome is worth the effort that's required. My experience has shown this third
requirement is usually where people get hung up; we're usually just not willing
to do what needs to be done in order to get what we say we want. It really is that simple.
So, for goodness sake, please stop blaming your lack of action on poor, misunderstood motivation. It's really not his fault. At the end of the day, if you aren't doing something you say you want to do it's because you either (1) don't believe it's actually good for you, (2) don't believe you can actually accomplish it, or (3) you're just plain not willing to pay the price to get it.
The good news is that none of these three requirements for
motivation are set in stone for any person.
Motivation is not a human trait that some people have and other people
lack. If you're unable to figure out how
to check the three boxes, there's help available. Trained professionals (personal trainers,
pastors, and, yes, psychologists) are more than willing to help you figure out
where the sticking points are and how to get them unstuck. You just need to believe it would be good for
you to do so, believe it can actually be done, and that it's worth it to do so
and you'll never use motivation as a scapegoat again.
